Thursday, February 25, 2010

Diary of a Cub Contestant at International Bear Rendezvous 2010 part 4

The Lovely Kevin Smith
The President of BOSF Chuck Rudd helps me model the underwear
The next morning was a Bloody Mary Cocktail event at the Host hotel, the Parc 55. We contestants were to attend it and circulate and get to meet the all the cubs and bears. I had purchased my first Utilikilt (a kilt with pockets)  for the event. It was a Camo Kilt and I had a forest green T-Shirt designed by Killer Bob Graphics. Bob Pearce does some amazing work and you must check it out. I had some argyle sox that were varying shades of green and some construction boots. Under the Kilt? I wore a cool pair of briefs that sported the “Superman” logo right on the crotch. The other IBR attendees informed me that I was cheating of course. A decent kilt wearer would be free balling it. It was made pretty clear that we should behave, since we were contestants, so I opted for the playful underwear while staying within bounds of the restrictions. When I lifted my kilt many camera phones magically appeared. (Thanks Chuck Chou)

I was amazed that I had any energy considering I had only had 4 hours of sleep. I am an-8-hour-a night-kinda-guy. I was worried that I would not have enough rev in my engine to work the crowd at the two remaining raffle sales events. However -I was at a Bloody Mary mixer after all, so in a reckless moment of caprice, I opted to have one. Orlando went for the mimosas. The hotel staff passed around some yummy Cocktail nibbles. My favorite was a mini beef wellington. It was a piece of steak in pastry with a cheese dipping sauce. mmmmmm. It made for a decent breakfast. All of this was included in our Gold passes and turned out to one of the very few Gold pass events that Lando and I attended. He is a dedicated boyfriend and had planned to be at my side as much as they would allow.

So the big event that day was that C-list actor Kevin Smith was to pay IBR a visit. Some of you who watch Kathy Griffin’s show, “My Life on the D-List” may remember the year she was the IBR celebrity because she filmed her stint with the Bears and the show was titled, “Otters, and Bears and Cubs-Oh MY!” (I may have the words mixed up because I am recalling it from a distant memory of seeing it on my TIVO) I didn’t quite grasp what Mr. Smith was going to do when he got here. There seemed to be a performance/interview going on later in one of the big banquet rooms. Contestant coordinator, Paul Almy had informed us that we wouldn’t be seeing the whole thing because the Contestant mixer and a Beer bust were part of our schedule that wouldn’t allow for it. Paul did want to catch a bit of it, so we would watch 30 minutes of it and then board the Contestant bus with him later. Prior to that there was a fairly big photo shoot that was supposed to take place with him and all of us contestants. I barely know who Kevin Smith is. I think I sorta remember his character in a film called Dogma, which to be honest, I sorta enjoyed. Apparently he went on to do another film with the same character he played in Dogma-Beyond that I knew really nothing about this guy. I figured fat straight guy with a beard. How much did BOSF pay for THAT appearance? I should also mention that I have a notorious history of not recognizing celebrities and then   somehow offending them-quite often by treating them like some random annoying person who sat next me on the bus. I was hoping that my memory of his appearance from Dogma was sufficient enough to prevent that from happening. I was game for meeting him as long as I wasn’t instructed to faun over him. I had done enough performing in my life to feel that I had done what most famous celebrities have done and it didn’t warrant any special treatment. I don’t expect people to fall over themselves trying to please me, just because I have graced them with my impeccable comic timing and laid bare my human soul on stage 5 nights a week, every night, for 6 to 8 weeks three or four times a year. Of course not...well okay... I like a little idolatry from time to time, but I am very reasonable about it.

So the rest of the contestants and I milled around with Bloody Marys in hand, until it was time to pose with the portly “star”. At least that was the plan. Paul Almy came up and quietly informed us that Mr. Smith would not be doing a photo session with us. He needed to “prepare” for his interview/performance thing y. He would be happy to pose with us after but that was not possible because we were already booked with the Contestant social and more Eagle raffle sales. So no pictures with Kevin Smith. No skin of my nose. It was clear that Paul felt badly for us as evidenced by the look of contrition on his face. I don’t know whether it was Paul’s idea or Kevin Smith’s but there was an effort made for missing the photo op. If I were a BOSF board member I would’ve went right up to Mr. Smith and said, “ Look buddy. We paid you to be our celebrity, pose for the damn pictures before we sue your ass!” For all I know Mr. Smith was donating his time for the event. I certainly hoped so, because I think BOSF would get a certain bit of mileage from the pics, even though he’s a celebrity that none of the people around me knew. In exchange for “disappointing the contestants” he offered to autograph our contestant badges. A couple of other contestants mirrored my irritation. We weren’t impressed and didn’t particularly care that he couldn’t pose with us. We, especially didn’t want to release our badge for him to sign because our schedule was on the back and we were continually checking it. It was handy and we were very reluctant to let them go. In the end we begrudgingly handed over our badges to Paul for Mr. Smith to sign. It was only for a couple of hours anyway.

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