Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Diary of a Cub Contestant at International Bear Rendezvous 2010 part 3

After the Friday de-briefing, we headed to The Eagle to sell raffle tickets to raise money for the three big charities that BOSF was raising money for: ( Asian- Pacific Islander Wellness Center, Service Members Legal Defense Network, and Helem via the Rainbow World Fund) For those of you who don't know how money is raised at a Bear Beer Bust, let me splain. In this particular instance, the contestant is the raffle ticket seller. Typically the seller handles the money. The seller also does the "measuring" of the inseam. Why inseams? Why not? A strip of tickets matching the length of the inseam is a mere $10.00. Most contestants have their own technique but almost all of them involve a tittlating experience on the part of the purchaser. It's the thrill of being touched inappropriately by an attractive contestant. I hoped that the ticket buyers would smell nice. The seller usually has a handler who tears the tickets and put the stubs in a bag or a bucket that they are carrying with them. This handler is dubbed, "The Bag Bitch" or Bucket Bitch.

My partner Orlando and I were accomplished at raffle ticket sales. We had done this at 3 BOSF Beer Busts already. Some contestants had Bag Bitches and some did not. I was impressed with the ones who didn't and just did it solo. I don't know if I would've been that brave. I was so eternally grateful to have this big sexy Puerto Rican bear at my side to distract people with his beautiful furry chest. I had gone to ALOT of trouble to wear provocative "bearsexy" outfits but I knew that the real attraction was going to be my boyfriend's chest. My plan was to focus on the inseam with much concentration and detail and let them gaze at my handsome husbear's. I was hoping it would bring BIG money.

We spent some time hanging outside the Eagle. It was drizzling.  I hoped my spray tan would hold up. Not fun. Luckily I had my umbrella in my backpack. Jd wrapped himself around me and then Marcus wrapped himself around me from behind. I hoisted the umbrella up to cover all three of us. Before I knew it people were snapping pics of us. We must've looked adorable. After hanging out in the rain, (what the hell? was I on Survivor?), we were marched one by one into the Eagle and introduced by Dominick. We were asked to do a Bear Growl into the mic. This is an old IBR tradition that was brought back.  We could hear the contestants before us do wild roars and sexy grumbles. Jack from Jersey had his own take on it and said, " Oh well-I'm gonna do the girl in the woods who sees the bear." and then he let out a blood curdling shriek that would've made Jamie Lee Curtis proud. Nope this was not your average IBR contest. When everyone was finished growling it began to spray from the heavens in earnest. Javier yelled to me from behind and mimed the umbrella, as if to say, "where's your umbrella? we need it now." I shrugged helplessly at him. We posed for pictures while rain ran down our noses. Mark Katzenburg saw to it that we all had towels to dry off with before we sold raffle tickets.

I joined Orlando to start selling tickets, and sell tickets we did. Unfortunately attendance that night was pretty sparse. Orlando and I hit everyone up who looked at us. We found a group of straight people that night who were partying and interested in the contest. I shared with them the charity info and that i was contestant number 7, The Bay Area Cub 2010. They asked us what the prizes were and when they would be announced. As instructed by Paul Almy I enthusiastically said they were FABULOUS prizes, but I didn't detail what they were. When they would be announced? Well....I didn't know. Orlando set off to find out when while I took inseam measurements and boob measurements and posed for the camera while I was touching them all intimately. Orlando returned with this incredulous expression on his face. "They post the results at the host hotel." I grimaced and looked back at the men and women who had just purchased $40 worth of tickets. They were very kind and assured me it was not an inconvenience to go to the hotel tomorrow. We gave them the instructions and thanked them profusely. After we left them, Orlando and I looked at each other in amazement. How could they have left out this detail? I was sure I had heard everything Paul had said. This little fact meant that it would be even more difficult to sell these tickets. As I said, it was thin pickins that night. Before you knew it contestants were beginning to sell to each other. I can't remember which contestant I bought from -maybe Matt Stearn? We were laughing at the absurdity of it. There was plenty of good cheer and we all cracked jokes every time we passed each other. We felt accomplished after our first evening of raffle sales. Some of us hugged each other good night. I was so jazzed and hyper that night, I had trouble going to sleep.

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