Friday, May 13, 2011

Post Bear -R u kidding me?

 It’s hard for a Bear out there….or is it? I guess that would be depending on what category of bear you put yourself in. What’s that? You didn’t realize there are different categories of bears?  Oh yes my friend.  Diversity is epidemic in the Bear Community and there are some men out there that have a REAL problem with it. They call themselves Post Bear.
The Post Bear long for the day where hirsute men with average and heavyset builds could hang together in an easygoing environment where beer was served and there would be a ballgame on the tube. They could grope and paw at each other and sneak in a kiss and- hey- who knows- maybe there would be a hook up after the game. Now wait a minute- since when did that stop?
It’s not that those days are gone exactly, it’s just become a different terrain. The intimacy is gone. The social gatherings hosted at peoples houses- generated by feeling uncomfortable in a bar or club with the insidious clone perfection standard of the 70s and early 80s-rarely happen. In most cases they aren’t needed due to the popularity of Bear Runs. A Bear Run is a 3 to 5 day event held where all forms of Bears can convene and cavort in a (relatively)  twink- free sexually charged environment.  Zaftig, furry, men from all over the world build their vacations around Bear Runs. (If there was some way to harness the sexual energy and convert it into electricity, you could probably provide power to the Eastern Seaboard for a year or more.)  Imagine- if you will-A bunch of homosexual men who have spent the last 11 months sexless in a remote part of one of those square states in the middle of the US, gathering all together in a place that’s clothing optional and serves alcohol - I can assure you- the combo is nothing less than a conflagration and definitely worth the price of admission.
It’s not the same though. –so say the Post Bears. The boys that show up to Bear Runs now are younger and thinner.  The creation of the “Muscle Bear”: the very masculine very well muscled version of the species- has added even more significant changes to the Bear Community. Slowly the chunkier guys slipped out of the limelight. Twinks thought Musclebears were hot so they showed up where the Muscle Bears went and the guys with a 40PLUSinch waistline didn’t have room to move with all those Twinks and Muscle Bears taking up all that space!  Now the big men weren’t the only game in town, and what’s worse, they began to feel SELF-CONSCIOUS of their size. They got mad. They were there FIRST!!! So the bigger men all got together and decided to not…get together anymore and they stayed at home. They threw away their Bear Wear and they never said Grrrr or Woof and secretly went on diets and exercised more. They eschewed all things Ursine. They let the world know that they had gone…. “Post Bear”
Well something had to give after months and months of all that ridiculous diet and exercise crap. Eventually they started to return to the Lairs that they knew so well…..But It got confusing. You’d hear how a Bear hooked up with a skinny twink and they were “gasp” ..DATING!!! The big guys got even more bewildered when they befriended the Muscle Bears. It all started when a very burly, very buffed Dude cracked a very funny joke about Caprica on the Syfy Channel –  the Post Bears were mesmerized! Then they all eagerly discussed the entire Call of Duty Gamer series and lasting friendships were created!!
Here’s the thing fellas. “Post Bears” are the stuff of unicorns and Big Foot. They have not organized. A coupla guys bitched about how everything had gone bear crazy and they missed the days of the origins of the movement. If you find yourself being negative about high profile bears and the endless commercialization- quit bitching. Change is good. Get out there and “come out” as a bear and do something good for the community. Show them you’re happy and they can be too.
OR – you can call a few buds and meet at a Twink Bar, ask them to turn on the Game and make out with each other, and have a few laughs..


  1. Now its not my fault I wasn't born to be a bear.

  2. Yer post would be great except the problem is, the muscle bears don't like the 40+ waist size kinda guys. There is no muscle bear cracking jokes around the chubby boys. The chubby boys aren't welcome there anymore. That's why a lot of bears are now "post bear". What used to be a social group of acceptance of the big bearded men is now if you aren't muscled or an otter, you don't belong. Take for example what the guy from Bear Magazine said regarding overweight guys -

    The bear community has become the same as the twink community... if you aren't exactly as they think you should be, yer not included in their little "club".