Tigga PLEASE !!! A night of a 1000 Show girls thanks to Peaches Christ

Saturday evening was a busy one for the Lando Bear and myself. We rushed down to the Castro to catch the Beerbust for the Intersection of the Arts at The Edge. Rodney Clay aka drag hostess with the mostest, “Rhoda” ran into us on Friday Night and told us about it as he hurriedly trying to deliver posters and then head home to make jello shots to sell at the Beer Bust. You see Rodney doesn’t only look like a pretty version of everyone’s Aunt or Cousin, he is also an accomplished playwright! Since I am the Bay Area Cub 2010 who supports all fundraising for all theaters, I felt it my duty to support them. I was also pleased to see that Rhoda was also hosting it with one of my Bearlesque Bears, Bo Hoshaw. As Lando and I dashed out to catch the Limo aka the 36 Teresita he asked why I wasn’t wearing my title vest. I said that I would rather be P.A. Cooley, local performer, then the Bay Area Cub tonight. I chose one of my favorite Graphic tees that was silver and black and a pair of washed-out faded jeans that I had inherited doing a One Act years ago. Rhoda mouthed a “Thank you” at me as we entered the Bar. We imbibed some Pabst Blue Ribbon and did a Jello shot and purchased raffle tickets. A quick shout out to all you people looking for a good place to host a fund raiser -I strongly suggest The Edge. Terry the Manager will definitely treat you right.
Alan Quismorio , artistic director of the Asian American Theater was also there because he kind of has his iron in several fires. Intersection of the Arts is one of his many fires. Alan and I had worked together in Ronnie Larson’s A Few Gay Men. (He played my wife, my Orthodox Jewish Wife, and mother of my four sons. Alan is a diminutive Filipino Man. Aint Theater Grand? ) We didn’t have time to see if we won anything on the raffle because we had to dash off to Peaches Christ at the Castro Theater for “ Night of a 1000 Showgirls.

Peaches Christ is a SF Drag Legend when it comes to Midnight Cult Films. This evening’s gala was at the Castro and I think she typically operated out of The Lumiere but earlier in July it was at The Bridge theater. She’s been doing this a long time and she is officially a big deal. She even has her own movie trailer where bats fly out of her kaslopuss.  It started many years ago- possibly almost 20-where she hosted a Midnight Rocky Horror flavored evening of cult movies. ( I tried to find the actual anecdotal history of it’s creation on her website but couldn’t locate that info.)

Note to Mom, you may wish to stop reading this.

Luckily for us my new friend Chuck Chou was saving a place in line for us for the show. I never had been to a Peaches Christ event and was wondering if tonight was going to be typical of what she did. Chuck knows his Peaches and is a big fan. This was a special event I was assured by him. I was a fan of the movie Show Girls and wondered if Orlando had ever seen it. Luckily he hadn’t seen it. For those of you who by chance were unfortunate enough to miss it –allow me to give you a quick summary. Nomi Malone (Saved by the Bell’s Elizabeth Berkley) is a shapely lovely tough chick who is hitching her way to Vegas to become a dancer. It has a bit of an All About Eve thing going on as we watch her rise to stardom, sleeping her way to the top-amongst other things. The film is downright appalling. It is so truly horrifying in its badness so that you will likely NOT forget it-ever! It has fallen the way of Mommie Dearest due to the terrifically over-the-top acting. For the queens who are faint of heart at the live female form be warned. There is an awful lot of Ms Berkley’s poontang on view. Just to give you a flavor of the type of film it was, here is a review from Roger Ebert
The film is not, in short, quite unredeemably bad, and despite its NC-17 rating, it isn't anywhere near as perverted as "Basic Instinct." The actors throw themselves into it with the abandon that material like this demands, and Verhoeven brings to it the same skill he once lavished on good movies, like "The Fourth Man" and "Total Recall." It's just that you can't believe a single second of it, and you do begin to wish that in his research for his next project, Eszterhas makes it his business to learn something about eroticism.Showgirls" is such a waste of a perfectly good NC-17 rating.
  
   So these big names made a bad but entertaining film. Many reviewers called upon Joe Esterhaz’s (screenplay) fear of women. They all have knives in nearly all his films and they usually enjoy a little Lesbo action. Nomi loves her switchblade and I am sure has had her fair share of fur pie. I was informed during the show that Show Girls was the last NC-17 rating ever given to a film. It was also (Ta DA) – the films 15th Anniversary. Peaches has been doing this party for 13 years. We were first treated by PC’s own film trailer where bats flew out between her legs and her eyes had an evil red glow. Then another trailer for a movie Peaches was in called All About Evil. It looked like a good scream. Then Peaches –all Show-girled-out came on stage with her fun dancers and did a number. Then her sidekick Mar-tiny joined her to perform some prerecorded-lip-synched scenes. The voices were of Peaches and Martiny. A joke was made earlier about Martiny actually rehearsing the bit. Apparently that was an uncommon occurance. Good thing she didn’t have lines to memorize. Martiny is the perfect foil for Peaches larger-than-life glam persona. After listening to Martiny’s pre-recorded listless, flat delivery and inability to do more than one body position, I began to wonder. Where had Peaches found this little…person? Martiny gave off the vibe that she had never worn drag or ever set foot on stage. I felt as if Peaches had plucked a heterosexual dweeby library employee and said “Hey, You want to spice up your nightlife?” Peaches gleefully poked fun at Martiny calling her the most tragic drag queen on earth. I thought “drag queen” was pushing it a bit.

My new facebook friend Drag make-up artist, Cousin Wonderlette made an appearance in a dance number as her ghastly vision of a Showgirl. I couldn’t see if she had done the inbred Hillbilly girl look she favors on her face since I was so high up in the balcony, but her body suit was great. A nude suit complete with a vagina that looked like it was on the verge of becoming a prolapsed uterus. She had a tiny tiny tiny little gold skirt that didn’t do a damn thing to cover those protuberant vaginal lips. During the Nomi Look alike contest –Modest Super Star Heklina pointed out she had a little problem down there. By the way the winner of the Nomi -Look alike contest was a bio girl. Heklina and the other judge Lady Bear iced the astonished girls nipples (as was done in the movie) right there on stage! Hey she shoulda known what she was getting herself into. I thought Heklina was gonna catch hell from the trannys for choosing a real girl as the winner but she diffused them with a cool version of “Get over it.”
So this event was billed as the Night of 1000 Showgirls and we had a lot of show girls -and Peaches introduced every SINGLE one of them. I am not sure exactly how many we had but I would say she had about 75. Bambi Lake who is a local SF legend for reasons I have forgotten appeared as one of the lap dancers. She had a little problem with knowing when to exit. She also had a little problem with appearing to know where the hell she was. This was from Peach’s website.
“And whether we like it or not, legendary local icon Bambi Lake showed up and got onstage, gave lap-dances, and exposed us all to her rack. In true Bambi form she left the event in a rage, demanding I pay her for said unsolicited services, cussing Heklina out for no reason, and then blowing kisses and waving goodbye from a cab. It was a night to remember!”
I can’t wait to see Lady Bear’s video footage of that! As I saw all the lap dancers on stage I said to Orlando and Chuck that I wanted “Tigga Please” to me my Lapdancer. It was a man dressed in a Tigger Costume -if Tigger lived in inner Harlem. I was way up in the Balcony so my chances were pretty slim that “Tigga” would be giving me a lap dance...well I was wrong. Tigga nearly killed himself going over the edge of the balcony rubbing his plushy orange butt in my face! I was more than delighted.

Martiny with Peaches

Icing the winners nipples

Nomi's Revenge Nail

Tigga Please gives me the business

HELP There's a Tigger in my face

Bambi Lake

After all that Hullaballo we settled down to the earnest watching of Show Girls. A Quieter than usual crowd but there were a few humorous lines shouted out. I recognized Leigh Crow's melodius Tenor from time to time. Orlando was astonished and horrified and greatly amused. The writing was dreadful. The acting horrendously surreal. All in all Fun Night at 5 hours long -and Peaches...if you ever need a judge for “Heathers” -Call me. I was without a doubt - the meanest Heather in my high school.